It is the season to be jolly. However, for one Mumsnet user, it is quite the opposite as they are filled with "dread" about one friend's drunken behavior.
User Kylerd explained a night out with eight of their friends is approaching, but seven of them are often left squirming. The user states one woman flirts with married men and often "takes it too far."
According to a recent survey by Alcohol.org, a resource for the treatment of substance use disorders, one in three Americans admit to drinking first thing Christmas morning. The survey found that 17 percent of 3,000 American drinkers admit to trying to cure a hangover with more alcohol.
The user has been backed by hundreds of people on the popular U.K.-based discussion site who have voted "you are not being unreasonable."
Sarah Lee, a U.K.-based psychotherapist told Newsweek that an embarrassing friend can negatively impact a whole friendship group. Lee has given advice on how to approach this situation that is out of the user's control.
Explaining the scenario, Kylerd wrote: "Everyone is lovely and on nights out, we're all out to have fun... but there's one that takes it too far. She can be flirty with men (married or not) while sober but her behavior on nights out is getting worse each time.
"No one else in our group has mentioned it but I can see their reactions and sometimes they've left to go home straight after she has behaved a certain way. None of us are prudes but it's getting a bit much."
In response to a comment from another user, the original poster said: "I don't think she has a problem as such with alcohol, more thinking that she's God's gift and that everyone thinks so."
To conclude the post, the user said it is making them "dread" nights out and asked other users if she should address it with the woman or ignore her.
Speaking to Newsweek, Lee said: "It sounds like the friend has violated the 'social contract' of the group—that is the expected rules that the group adheres to. It also sounds like the writer feels 'second-hand embarrassment' and as if she ought to do something to fix the situation. If the group considers someone's behavior embarrassing, it can weaken the friendships and the group.
"This happens because the friend lacks awareness of her behavior and the impact that it has on the other members of the group and is not able to take responsibility, apologize or change. They are likely to feel angry and upset but may not be able to express this."
Lee said the OP shouldn't tolerate the behavior as "patterns of accepting or excusing bad behavior can be a sign of low standards in relationships."
"It's also important to remember that we are not responsible for other people, their feelings, or their behavior. This might be hard to remember if we were brought up in a family where we were made to feel responsible for keeping the peace or acting as the fixer. So the writer can't control whether his or her friend drinks too much, or protect the friend from feeling hurt if everybody decides to leave when she behaves badly," Lee told Newsweek.
Lee said the only thing the user can control is the decision to put up with the behavior or not. The expert has suggested the following ways to deal with the dilemma:
- Do a different activity that doesn't involve alcohol
- Go out without the person in question
- Go out as planned with the friend but tell her that they are leaving because her behavior isn't OK
She added: "They could also decide to talk to her (with the knowledge that is quite common for people to be defensive when confronted, after all, if she were self-aware enough, it's likely that she wouldn't behave like this in the first place)."
It seems Mumsnet users agree as many have suggested similar tactics.
One user said: "Just tell her as kindly as possible. Say she gets too drunk and makes a fool out of herself. Won't be an easy conversation obviously, heavy drinkers are usually in denial, but just try to tell her and be clear it's because you're worried rather than prudish."
"She sounds like an absolute nightmare. I think tough love is the only way to go - tell her straight that she's embarrassing herself and everyone close to her," wrote another person.
Yet another user said: "I'd be absolutely mortified to be at the receiving end of that kind of behavior and I'm certainly no prude. Just imagine if it was a bloke with similar behavior towards the women, telling them that he'd had a penis enlargement while cupping his c***, would he get away with it? No, and rightly so. Neither should she."
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
Are you and your friend stuck in an argument? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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